Boy band love

I have a confession to make and hopefully it won't hurt the street 'cred' (whatever that is)... but I love Justin Timberlake. He's freaking hot, he can dance and I love his music and he can actually sing (unlike his ex-girlfriend Ms. Spears). Haven't listened to his music in about year and he just popped up on the iPod at work (while I'm supposed to be doing homework, whoops) and I can hardly focus... just swaying to 'My Love.'

That song was my hubby's ring tone when we were dating and I lived in Dallas and he lived here in Oklahoma. Reminds me of the hubby. Seriously, I'm not thinking about Justin's perfect abs and ass.. Really.

Ok, switching the iPod back to Radiohead. geez.

Coming home

My twelve year old son has been away for the summer for two entire months, which is also known as an eternity for me, his beloved mother. Husband and I got married May 30th, went to Hawaii right after and the kiddo went with my parents to their home in Dallas and also to the sperm donors parents house as well. The sperm donor lives in another state and calls the kiddo about once a quarter, doesn't pay child support, all-around loser... you get the picture?

I'm very okay with the kiddo going to the sperm donor grandparents house because I know he will eat, get a bath at least twice a week and play an overload of video games. (When I say sperm donor, I really don't mean an anonymous person that donated sperm to score a six pack of beer in college... I mean the ex-husband that doesn't care about his child but only sees him at the urging of his parents).

Tomorrow morning my mother, little sister and the kiddo leave Dallas for the 8 hour trek to Oklahoma and I am beside myself with glee. I positively, absolutely cannot wait to set eyes on my son. I have missed him so much it's unbelievable. I think I was clinically depressed over the summer without him. 4th of July sucked without him. Every weekend sucked; every day sucked.

And as usual, I haven't cleaned the house in preparation for the company coming for the extended weekend. SO, I have a huge list of things to clean tonight when I get home. But hey, I work better under pressure. Really, I do. I had all week to do all these things, but had no deadline, so now that they will be here tomorrow, I'm ready to clean!

I know I'm not alone in the 'better under pressure' thing. Right?

Hey baby

My last post about re-dedicating my life to being skinny is a joke. Seriously? Right. I enjoy eating, flat out, plain and simple. I enjoy going to get a coffee with a friend, sure the milk will be non-fat but I now refuse to worry about the "points" in the damn drink.

So, forget Weight Watchers. I refuse to follow the points, I refuse to make myself stay within the certain number during the day, then at night when home with the family beat myself up relentlessly because I didn't stay within the points! it's ridiculous. I'm sick of feeling like crap when I don't do what the plan states I should.

I am not fat! I am 5'6" and I weigh 153 pounds. That is not fat! I felt completely liberated this morning when I read this article: http://watrd.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/eff-dieting/

Kate Harding, you are my hero! Thank you for giving me permission not to be a hard ass on myself, and realize I am beautiful the way I am. AND that it's okay to eat, like to eat, to cook, to bake and to be everything I am without the guilt. Goodbye diet! Goodbye guilt, goodbye weight watchers 3 month journal. I'm going to be happy with who I am and stop projecting my stupid insipid feelings of inadequacy on my family and co-workers.

And dammit, I'm gonna have a Dr. Pepper!

Start all over again

Earlier this week I wrote about my renewed dedication to college and how I want to get more out of my education that I'm paying for (brilliant idea, eh?) That's gone very well so far.

I'm back to renewing my goals for good health. Reason: It's been nagging me for weeks about how crappy I eat. I totally broke up with Dr. Pepper to take him back all over again. WHY??!?! Story of my life.

Another reason: A friend of mine last night was talking about her grandmother who is on the verge of death. As the friend and I were drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette the friend stated her g-ma was 83-84 years old... then friend then states there's no way she could personally live that long and laughed. I laughed on the outside and thought that I really DO want to live that long. That's not a questionable goal in my mind. So I need to give up the beer and the cigarettes on the weekends. It's just not helping me. Especially when I like to run for fitness... smoking doesn't quite fit into that picture.

I have bought a new Nike+ sensor for my running shoes and iPod. My goal is get up in the mornings and go for a run when it's still cool. During the peak of May and June, okay and July my excuse not to run was the heat. I haven't gone for a jog since May 6th. How pathetic.

So, I'm renewing my vow to break up with Dr. Pepper even though it's all around me, it's free in the vending machine at work, I enjoyed drinking it at 4pm everyday at work and it's stocked fully in the refrigerator... I'm tired of being unhappy with my body.

Here I go! Wish me luck! Share your personal triumphs. Diet yo-yos and issues. I'd love to be encouraged even more.

Lack of dedication

Lately I haven't been very dedicated to my school work. I am in college on a part-time basis pursuing my degree in communications... and quite frankly I haven't done all I should to make this degree something I will benefit from. I tend to not read the required chapters and fuddle my way through assignments. But seriously, I have a 96 in both of my classes right now, so how bad can it be?
I mean I've been in PR for about a year and before that I wasn't fully in a PR position, but I was doing PR in my mind for every company I ever worked for. So I feel I know my stuff! A little too heady of me to say? I don't know.

ANYHOW. I am now dedicating myself to reading the chapters required for my communications class. Not necessarily for the science class or other BS class I have to take towards my degree. Currently taking nutrition... trust me ... it's not as cool as it sounds. It's basic stuff you pretty much already knew.

Oh yea.. my motiviation for this renewed tenacity for learning? My employer will not contribute towards my expenses for the degree that makes me qualified for this job... but a manager is enrolled in the same college and I'm pretty darn sure they are paying for his education. WTF? Total crap, but hey, what can I do? Can't get another job paying as well as this in my area and doing this job. I love this job!

I'm just gonna be doing a lot of chapter reading during work... because hey... it's work related!

Wonderful life

It's amazing what sleeping ten hours two days in a row without having drank excessive amounts of alcohol and staying up really late the night before does for a body!!

I woke up yesterday to having "almost breakfast in bed" from my husband. I woke up just a little bit too early before he could come in with my belgian waffles, sausage and steaming mug of coffee with creamer (because it's the weekend!). We did absolutely nothing yesterday beyond traveling to town to pick up groceries, then we laid down a little and watched a movie, then we watched another movie and I think we ended up watching three movies yesterday. It was fantastic to be relaxed. not having to get up and worry about work, or college or anything!

Went to bed fairly early last night, woke up to having almost breakfast in bed again! This morning biscuits and gravy, made with part skim milk! My husband does love me! Or the skim milk was going bad so he decided to use it up.. hmm that's probably it! Oh well.. it's the thought that counts, right?

I love my husband, he is fantastic to me, treats me so very well.

We are cleaning house today, top to bottom. He is mowin the lawn, I'm mopping floors. such a great trade off I think. I would prefer him not to clean the inside of the house (because I'm a control freak) and he likes the lawn done a certain way. It works out very well.

Happy weekend!

Words do hurt

I learned yesterday a very valuable lesson. It was one of those lessons I hope to keep with me from here to where ever. The lesson is that words hurt. I am very wreck less with my words and never put much thought to how they affect those around me.

Yesterday, as I was carrying on in my regular routine at work, chatting with the girls, when a comment was made about my hair. A particularly passive-aggressive woman got really nasty and made a very rude comment about my face and hair... can't remember what she said but it was very nasty. I ahve been nothing but nice to this woman, seriously. There are people I might be uglier too, but this one... not so. Always nice to her.

The comment really hurt and her vengence and how she was so happy she upset me really spoke to me. Words do hurt. And I am very careless with my words. I am making a huge effort now to really try to be nicer with my words. I now realize after this incident how terrible they can be when not used properly.

The woman in question has obvious issues, she's quite moody and you never know what you'll get when speaking to her. So I'm always cautious of her anyhow.

So, here is my pledge to be kinder and nicer with my words. Starting now. Go!

What about you? Have any moments when you realized how harsh you can be? Or how harsh others can be? Words are very powerful. maybe more powerful than a fist. I hope to remember that.

Childhood

Oh boy, today's writing prompt is a doozy from One-Minute Writer: "If everyone had grown up the way I did, this world would be..."

This world would be more content with their surroundings, realizing chocolate chip cookies and milk on Christmas Eve does make everything better!

Wednesday Lunch

Lean Cuisine, BBQ Chicken Pizza. The box sat on my desk all morning (I let them thaw a little before I cook them) and it smelled fabulous through the box!

Lunchtime and the pizza was not a disappointment. The cheese was great, very large strips of it. The chicken was tender and seasoned nicely and there was plenty of it, which you don't find most of the time with frozen low fat lunches.

Read a nice chick-lit book and enjoyed my hour. Will post a review of the book I've been reading, Original Cyn, by Sue Margolis soon.

A case of the giggles...

Today's writing prompt: What makes you giggle (or chuckle)?

I have a cat, dog, and two ferrets. The dog and cat were first, then the two ferrets came along much to the displeasure of the dog and cat. Dog and cat now get along with said ferrets.

Brian is the albino male, who is very sweet, loves his Bandit treats and prefers to hide them rather than eat them immediately. Then there is Gillian, she is a sable ferret who is just plain bad. She digs, scratches and gets into absolutely everything. Brian on the other hand is mild tempered and is happy scuttle butting around the house. Gillian needs to dig in the couch, boxes, our bed, under refrigerators.

Brian was the first ferret we owned for about six months, then we got Gillian. And yes, they are named after Family Guy, Brian the dog and his girlfriend Gillian, whose voice is Drew Barrymore. The names and personalities fit completely, let me tell you.

OK! So what does this have to do with giggling, you ask? I will tell you. Prior to Gillian arriving on the scene, Brian loved my cat Pumpkin, who is a very picky skiddish cat but is overly loved and very stingy with her love. She's more like the spoiled little girl of the family (oh wait, that sounds like me). Prior to Gillian's grand entrance, Brian and Pumpkin would play. Once Gills made the entrance, Pumpkin was done with Brian.

I snapped this photo this past weekend of Brian in the act of attempting to coersce Pumpkin into playing. Needless to say, it did not work. She ignored him, he got bored and scuttle butted away.
Most of the time however, she gets very pissed that he won't leave her alone and she grabs him with all four legs and starts to lick him, then bite him, lick, bite, lick, bite. Then when he tries to get away she uses her back legs to kick the crap out of him. It's quite a hilarious scene. It's truly a love/hate relationship.

And that's what makes me giggle.

Brian apparently is cheating on Pumpkin with Gillian, so forget it, she's not down with the playing. This is very upsetting to Brian so he does everything he can to get Pumpkin to play with him. Most of the time this consists of laying in front of near her, flat on his stomach in hopes she will have pity on him and play!

At peace (sorta)

Through the turmoils of high school (which I have been out of for 13 years) there was that one friend that always had more, a better car, richer parents and was just a little smarter and seemed to have all the advantages in life. She was strangely pretty, said the right things, got great grades without trying but she was my friend. She was a friend of convenience. Only when it was at her leisure were we friends.

Over the years we lost touch, tried to reconnect but she flaked out (Could have been because I was married with a kid by then, and she was home for the summer from college), but it never worked out.

Viola, the invention of social media, I find her thirteen years after the fact. Wow. Still treats me the same and nearly somewhat snobbish and stuck up towards me. She completes a profile about herself and "publishes" the details of her life, presumably so I can read how she got a full ride to six years of college, has some great degree for being a librarian (really??) but now teaches school. She lives in the part of town where we grew up that I would love to live in, has a great house, dogs, blah blah blah.

Very irritating person, I just want to be her friend, not in competition with her, but it's not that simple with this person.

So, to say the least I was very surprised when reading she was engaged and getting married right around the time I was getting re-married.

I went first with the marriage thing, thought I looked fat in my dress, etc. Typical normal thing for me. Stress over the weight. I should have dieted more, I should have worked out, I should have broken up with Dr. Pepper a lot sooner! Nonetheless, it was what it was.

So... back to the story about the friend in school. She gets married, posts pictures of her wedding and the trip they had afterwards and was so insanely thrilled beyond what a reasonably vendictive person should have been.... she was FAT! I mean, not heavy, healthy, cushy, squishy... she was fat. A good size 18 fat. I'm a size 10 and I struggle on a daily basis to feel good about my body (especially the cellulite on the back of my legs, eek!)

I was so excited after viewing the pictures I was unable to complete my homework or focus on anything but laugh like a maniac for twenty minutes.

Ok, so I calm down finally after twenty minutes (my husband thinks I'm insane after this incident of mania)... and I begin to realize she isn't happy, you can see it in her face. She's happy, but she is not happy with how she looks. How sad. Makes me happy for the decisions I make every day towards being healthier. Sans the beer and cigarettes with the husband. And oh yeah, the fried foods I eat with him on the weekends. But other than that I do a good job.

I look fine, I feel fine, no matter what the scale says in the morning (151.2!!) I'm okay. Education, money, nice house... nothing if I'm not happy with my body and how I feel about myself. I can have thousands of dollars in the bank and it mean nothing if I don't feel good about my appearance.

I'm not ashamed of that, it's my personality, has always been with me, and will never leave. Why fight something that is innate? Why feel ashamed that I care what I look like? Does this mean I am in shape and gorgeous... hell no! In fact, it means the opposite. It means I'll never stop working on how I look.

I always think I'll get to the "old lady" stage at some point (not too soon, only 31 years old!) and not care what others think of me, but I can't just let myself go. I have to care.

Best medicine

Today's writing prompt, courtesy of the One-Minute Writer: besides laughter, what is the best medicine?

That is seriously difficult, because there is nothing like a child's genuine laugh, it is refreshing, beautiful and enlightening.

Flowers are great medicine for the soul. Receiving a bouquet of flowers can refresh love, feelings and even hope in times of despair.
I have a flower garden in front of our house which I've planted morning glories, gladioulas and freesias. My favorite flower is gladioulas by far because of their large blossoms and simple elegance.

I fell in love with them while dining at Macaroni Grill in Dallas, Texas. They always have white glads in a huge vase and the sheer elegance the flowers cast on the restaurant is amazing.

So I have huge pods of them planted in my front yard. Once they start to bloom (and I weed the bed a little more) I'll take picutres and post.

House hunting is on!

Hubby and I have been renting for about two years and now that we are married, ready to buy a home. But we have some strict parameters. Must be in the country, same area where we rent, same school district and we don't want to settle.

We have found two homes, very different however.

First one is within our price range, in the country, ten acres, small cellar (must have a basement or cellar), three bed, two bath, out building for hubby, but in another school district from the one my kiddo is currently in.

Second one is within a mile of where we live, horse stalls (nice ones), round top barn, cellar and basement. Three bedrooms, office, possibly only one bathroom which is not cool. Grain bins, another small shed, however on the county road and way out of our price range.

So, we're not sure what direction to head. Just gonna wait and find out what the best road to travel down is.

This stuff is hard!

Dear Dr. Pepper: I'm breaking up with you

That's right, you heard it. You make me fat, you make me more hungry, you taste really delicious, but have no nutritional value. In fact, you are bad for me.

So this is it... we're done, it's over, I'm not going to take you back, period.

You will still exist in my refrigerator at home, however you will not be consumed by me. I will lose weight, look better and feel better. You will not tempt me in the afternoons at work in the soda machine... even if my company provides free sodas.

sorry things didn't work out. I'm no longer 12 years old and can't metabolize your empty calories when I'm 31 years old.

So, as soon as I finish this last sip of you... we are finished!

Monday lunch

At least it smells good and it's not too bad to the taste.

Kashi Chicken florentine. Had it been sans the mushrooms would have been much better.

Good thought stimulator for a Monday after a 3 day weekend:

Imagine you will be sitting down a week from today to describe how your week went. What do you hope you'll be writing?Courtesy of The One-Minute Writer... thank you very much.

Here's what I hope to be writing... that I got everything done at work that needed to be done in a successfull fulfilling manner, that the feeling of dread I have for preparing for the public speaking engagement I have Saturday to a bunch of girl scouts will go away and I will be ravishingly successful and that maybe I lost a pound or two and my hair grew at least an inch. Ok that last part about the hair is a little far fetched.

I hope to add to those accomplishments for the week that I finished reading the book I started a few weeks ago, Original Cyn... which is fairly good read. Easy to read, along the normal lines of a chick-lit book, English, gay best friend, romantic interest, blah blah.

Also, I hope to write more. I love to write, and expound upon my feelings beyond the typical school work mumbo jumbo.

Isn't it universal??

My belief is that everyone cares what others think about them and seriously take those criticisms to heart. Do I assume this because I care?

Example: my hair is very short, because of my own request at the hair dresser this past week and was a little taken back. Along with my hair, the stylist cut off my self-esteem as well. A few days have passed and I'm feeling a little better, in fact quite a bit better. But tomorrow I have to go back to work and hear everyone react to my short hair. No biggee? Really their reactions are just annoying.

Independence Day

Thought this was interesting from another blog I follow, The One-Minute Writer.

Today's prompt: Today what would you like to declare your independence from?

I would like to declare my independence from being a rude, ungrateful and overall pissy person. It gets me nowhere and makes me unhappy in the process. It's difficult however when others around you are that way and won't see they are rude and disgusting.

Also, I don't like my hair being so short and it's upsetting me at times. I will get over it, because my hair will grow!