My husband is great....

My husband is great.  He's my solid rock that balances my crazy, wild tendency to quit my goals and scurry off into a corner and hide when things get hard.

Often, I want to quit college and quit working and just quit whatever it is that I'm doing because it's hard or difficult or painful or not going my way. Whichever the reason, I am just a habitual quitter. Sunday, laying in the floor of our dining room while he was taking apart something (pretty typical around our house) I told him I wanted to quit college. He said okay, whatever I wanted to do, but very gently and diplomatically reminded me while I started college in the first place. I somehow had forgotten I had started school for self satisfaction. The pressure at the end of school to go to college was tremendous. All my friends did it, why didn't I? In fact, all my friends went beyond the Bachelor's degree and have Masters. I have a GED. Nice.

So dammit. The husband was right, I was giving up on me. Again. I always give up on me. I can't do that. I have that I do that. Why do I do that? some weird childhood thing? Dunno. Nonetheless. Husband helped me put college back into perspective for me and he's incredible. Love him, love him, love him. Hopefully I am just as supportive and good for him as he is good for me.

Transformation

Today I had a refreshing thing happen to me. As I was pulling back up to work in my personal car after meeting a wrestler from the 1970's WWF era (long story) I thought I kept hearing something wrong with my car, like something was scraping.

It so happens our office is being re-stuccoed (that a word?) and there were workers outside the building. An older Hispanic man started pointing at my car underneath and was telling me something is very broken English. I looked where he was pointing and saw a HUGE piece of plastic had come loose and was dragging. This very kind man laid down on the concrete and helped me pull out the piece of plastic. Another worker also came over to help. WOW! That was so refreshing, so very simple to many people but it was the moment of kindness that I needed. I couldn't stop smiling at these two gentlemen for what they did for me. They truly were gentlemen.


Seriously, lately I have been one crabby ass chick. Nothing has made me happy, I have spent hundreds if not a thousand dollars on clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, sunglasses but nothing has made me happy in the last six weeks!!! I have posted about how I hate my job, my boss, my co-worker... you name it I bitched about it. (sorry for the negative vibes) Not to mention my hormones were completely whacked out. hadn't had a cycle in fifty days! Geez, no wonder I'm all effed up.

So, today I'm going through my normal "I hate my boss" routine and it hits me as I'm looking at my bank account which is exceptionally low, lower than I normally let it go but I got "shop crazy" the past fifty days... So it hits me. It hits me that I have THE best job I have EVER had, making more money that I know what to do with and I'm considering pissing it away for what? To prove a point that my boss in an immature idiot? I've figured that out already. I know he's a nimcompoop, I know he's not qualified for his job, but what does that have to do with me and my happiness? I realized today I need to be thankful for what I have. I normally avoid saying cheesy ass lines like this but, I am blessed. I have everything I need and then some.

I am changing my attitude slowly but surely. I think I'm getting back on track to the smart ass, whitty humored girl I normally am, just viewing life from a laid back perspective. Kind of like in the picture above of me and my husband in Hawaii on our honeymoon in May. Good times, good times.

And, plus if I quit this great paying job we can't buy the perfect house that we've found and I couldn't shop as much as I like and things would be very different, putting a lot of stress on my husband... all because of my temper tantrums!

Motivation!

Rejoined Weight Watchers today. Gotta get these negative, negative thoughts out of my head!

This was inspirational from the WW Web site and I really, really needed it!

"With our thoughts we make the world." -Buddha.

Negative thoughts creep into most people's minds. But for some of us, they kind of take over—and we don't even realize it's happening. Negative thoughts come in the form of all-or-nothing thinking, ("I'm never eating chocolate again!"), absolute thinking ("I should" or "I ought"), and self-fulfilling prophecies ("I can't").

We believe what we tell ourselves. And what we tell ourselves shows up in what we do. That's why these kinds of negative thoughts are dangerous: if you expect to fail, you probably will; if you set unrealistic expectations, you probably won't meet them, you'll be disappointed...and then your mind will flood with more negative thoughts.

Ready for fall!

It's blooming hot around here, like 102 was the high and I'm so ready for fall!

things I love about fall... wearing boots, darker colored clothes (I'm pretty sure I look better in darker colors), darker hair, big pots of soup cooking all day, windy days, leaves blowing, cuddly fires to stay warm by, watching Harry Potter when it's howling cold, Halloween! (my favorite, favorite holiday). Oh my, I cannot wait for fall to get here... it will be here technically in about a month, but it will be October before it cools here.

Some of my best memories were in the fall, with the leaves turning beautiful colors, falling and eating bowls of chili and mugs of hot chocolate. *sigh* can't wait!

Oh, the drama

So, again I'm using this blog for my original intended purpose, the vent about my life and issues that come up sometimes on a daily basis.

If someone suddenly will not look you in the eye, speak to you or acknowledge you exist one day and the day before was offering to help you with a project... would you say that was odd?? Yea, me too.

Chick at work, who always pushes herself into every other department's projects attempted to push her way (successfully because my boss doesn't have a set of balls to tell this lady no) one of my projects and I simply refused her help. Not directly, not indirectly. She asked me to let her know if I needed her help... I didn't need her help (because I can do my job all by myself, I'm a big girl) so I never asked her. Apparently, that pissed her off. Four days now she has not spoken to me.

Never a day has passed for a year in which she didn't ask me to walk outside with her while she smoked on her break and shoot the breeze. Albeit while I'm outside with her she did nothing but bitch non-stop about someone in the office, her husband or some other poor member of her household. In her mind, she knows how to handle everything the best way possible and everyone else isn't doing things right.

But really, it's been very nice not having to converse with this crazy person. I feel a lot better at work. She is two cubicles over and I haven't had to worry about her bullsh*t... It's great.

What I'm trying to figure out about this person is if she's just that unhappy with her life that she has to feel important and take over other people's projects and jobs... she's done this with several other people and been successful. Essentially talking the ball-less boss into giving her segments of other people's work because those other people aren't doing things right.

Amazing. This is truly one of the reasons I changed my college degree major from communications to education. Can't wait til I'm out.

Should I break the ice with her? Or let her continue being childish? It's kind of funny, because it's no sweat off my back. Other people are oblivious to her ways, but I've figured her out. Part of me wants to call her out on how she operates, but it's not worth it.

Why is it so hard?

Contemplating last night as I lay in bed watching I Love You, Man, the movie about how I keep people at a distance for a very long time before I let them "in." The movie is about a man who is engaged and has no close friends to be in his wedding party, while his fiance has six close friends. (spoiler alert! in case you haven't seen it and want to see this masterpiece)

The movie follows this guy as he attempts to make friends and ends up making a friend but is very uncomfortable throughout the process. Interesting thought came to my mind that I really don't have very many close friends. I had a good friend in high school who is now a complete bitch and only sees her career and how many masters degrees she can get. She completely snubbed my mother at a funeral last month, treated my mom like someone beneath her.

Have a few friends locally, but they all grew up together in this small town and I'm just an outsider. Some days then bring me into their fold, others they plan parties without me. Very strange, indeed.

Reason for this post? Last year three local families (and when I say local, we live in a very rural area and they live about two miles from us) planned a party at the person's house with the most room. We cleverly titled the party an invitation from us three families. Cute, lots of people showed up. We ate cow balls (yes, that's what I said) and drank til the wee hours of the morning.

This year, it's time again for that same party (we have an excess of cow balls) however, the party does not include my family, another family has somehow replaced us. I was a little miffed when I received the evite this morning that our family was not included... so what's a girl to do? Reply with a "maybe." Hell yeah!

Not sure if I should say something to the "new" organizers? Just go and put on my happy face? Not go and sit at home with the family and watch crappy movies while they are two miles away having fun? Not even sure what I did to put them off? I think I might be threatening. Hell, I don't know. I get so sick of trying to figure other people out. This is number one reason I enjoy hanging with the hubby and his male friends. When the wives come out there are unwritten rules, feelings get hurt and if I forget to ask about their recent vacation, then I'm an instant bitch. I couldn't be more of a girly girl, love to shop, sip wine, talk gossip, love my cosmos, Sex and the City, would wear heels and skirt everyday. Maybe I just need a vacation. I've been working six days a week.

Poop. Hopefully I'm not the only one with these issues. Right?

Change is good

I'm not talking political mumbo jumbo. (hope to never talk about that on this blog)

No, the big change for me is my major in college. Yes, I am a 31 year-old woman in college (online, albeit) But I'm in college. I live in the butthole of America and the only college near me is a rodeo college, yep not going there.

Previously my major was communications to compliment my job. Well, for the most part I hate my job. My boss is a complete brat and has poor communication skills and I just down right do not like my job. My boss is the CEO's son, in a small town in a small company.

The down side? I make very good money with excellent benefits. But money isn't everything, right? My happiness is much more important.

I contacted my counselor this afternoon and changed my major to education. I'm going to be a teacher. Very frightening. Haven't told the husband, in fact have told the husband I would never want to be a teacher, but I have always, secretly wanted to be a teacher and I'm so sick of fighting it. So, here it goes!