Thursday, December 10, 2009

Preggo!

Found out about a week and half before Thanksgiving that I was pregnant! Seriously, a huge shock for both the hubby and I.  We had removed the "goalie" and were not trying, but not preventing for a few months, then I started tracking my basal body temperature to determine when I was ovulating. Things got a little more serious and we had to turn into rabbits to make this thing happen.

Well, I was of the sentiment that it would take me at least six months to get pregnant at my age, which is not old, just older at 32 years than when I had my son at 19 years old. Anyhow, it only took one month to get pregnant! To summarize how we felt for the first two weeks: in shock and shaking with surprise.

Our preliminary due date is July 21, 2010. We told our families on Thanksgiving day at the dinner table. We went around the table with the intent to tell them about the baby and had everyone say what they are thankful for. My husband started us off and said he was thankful for his old family, his new family and his new family member coming next summer. It was wonderful. His mother started crying, his Dad was happy, but my son was completely shocked! He's better now, but having a hard time dealing with that he'll have to share his Mom & Dad.

The neat thing about this is I was twelve years old when my little sister was born so I understand those feelings he is experiencing. We're talking about it a lot and I'm trying to keep my emotions in check about it all, which is hard... let me tell you!

The pregnancy has gone well so far, I've had some bouts with morning sickness and mainly I'm dealing with fatigue. Extreme fatigure. I could sleep during the day at my desk at work, I can go home at 5 p.m. take a nap, get up cook dinner and go back to sleep again and never feel rested!

Oh well, this little bun in the oven will be well worth it!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

How to be perfectly miserable

Got this from a friend today and it was exactly what I needed to hear. 

 

HOW TO BE PERFECTLY MISERABLE: 1.Think about yourself 2. Talk about yourself 3. Use "I" as often as possible 4. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others. 5. Listen greedily to what ppl say about you. 6. Expect to be appreciated. 7. Be suspicious. 8. Never forgive a criticism. 9. Trust no one but yourself. 10. Do as little as possible for others. This recipe is guaranteed to be infallible!

Tuesday morning happiness

"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family. "
Jim Butcher

  • Coffee, especially strong coffee with good holiday creamer.
  • A good book. Currently reading Julie  & Julia. Great read.
  • Writing in a journal. This is something I find great therapy in.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Not a sports Mom...

My twelve year old, in junior high, has taken an interest in basketball and is on the "A" team for his school. By the way, he's 5'10'' which is quite tall for his age so he gets a lot of attention for it.

He has played two games and a total of about three minutes from both. He is so nervous/anxious/excited that he doesn't know what to do when he gets on the court. In fact, he puts his hands in his pocket while he's playing his position. Poor guy. So last night after his one minute span of playing in the game we decided to sew his short pockets shut. NOW,  I am not a seamstress in any capacity, so it took me an hour to complete by hand. My husband thought it was funny when it took me thirty minutes to sew up six inches. Oh well. If it will keep my son on the basketball court, that's all that matters.

Anyhow, I realized last night I'm not a sports fanatic. Reason being, a woman I sat next to who grew up with my husband also has a son on the basketball team and he happens to be very good. They were very much into the game yelling appropriate sports phrases out like "re-bound" and "shot clock" and all this other stuff I'm lost on.

So, I'm going to do my very best to be a great sports Mom. I don't know much about the dynamics of basketball, but I know about being dedicated to something you enjoy doing, I know about team work, I know about not giving up and focus with determination. So those nuggets are what I'll be passing to my son, not necessarily what he should have done at the last possession of the ball.

 I am very proud of him. Here's hoping he will get to play longer with those short pockets so beautifully sown up! :)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I don't have to.

I'm so glad I don't have to be super skinny to be loved and for me to love myself! It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable in my skin, but glad I finally finished this journey. I have tried to lose weight lately, and not really succeed. The older I get the harder it is for me to lose it. Not that I'm old, I'm 32 years old but still. I'm happily married, should I really say more??

I have evaluated how I am treated now that I'm about fifteen pounds heavier than I was when I started my job two and a half years ago. I feel I am respected for my intelligence and what I have to offer my department rather than what I was wearing that particular day for my boss to gawk at me. Ass. I really don't like him.

Anyhow, it's nice to have curves and feel like a woman without having a size zero waist. Size ten is perfectly.... well perfect!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Is it better to keep your mouth shut?

Is keeping your mouth shut from blabbing your opinions about things going on around you better for your health? That's my question of the day.

Lots of crazy things are happening in our office due to this lady being fired Friday (see previous post) ... basically I feel one lady is trying to take over the office with her controlling, manipulative ways. Eek! But instead of announcing my distaste in snide remarks. I choose to keep those comments under wrap. And say nothing. Do you know how hard that is for me? Yeah, very difficult.

But I'm gonna shaddup and carry on with focusing on my job and getting it done well and right! Holy crap this is hard!

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” - Andy Warhol

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Oy! a lady at work got fired on Friday. Even though this person really deserved to get fired a loooong time ago, I still feel sorry for her and her son. She's a single mom, but I'm pretty sure she's hooked on prescription drugs. She falls asleep at her desk, has slurred speech most days and when speaking with her it's like she's three or four clicks behind. Some days she comes to work bright eyed and cheery, but most days you're not quite sure which version of herself will walk through the doors.

I feel especially bad for two reasons. We started the job the same day about two years ago in the same entry level position. I accelerated into the public relations aspect of the company and she pretty much stayed where she started. Not sure if she didn't want to move up, or I'm over ambitious. Second reason I feel bad... our company is nice enough to pay for lunch for each employee that celebrates their work anniversary at a local restaurant. The lady that got fired, obviously went on the lunch with the rest of us Friday. She literally was falling asleep at the table, seemed drunk, almost fell over a step and couldn't walk a straight line. Not smart since a higher ranking supervisor also shares the same anniversary month and promptly e-mailed our boss of her behavior... not only that, but she sat right next to me! OY! It was horrible. The lady is so messed up she burns her hair at the office while trying to light a cigarette! Tell me... if you mess up that bad, you have issues!

On the other hand, I am somewhat relieved the office drunk is gone. She brought a level of white trash to the office, she cussed incessantly and was just down right gross most of the time. Not a classy lady at all.

I just felt the need to post about it because my boss was upset about having to fire her and expressed some of those feelings to me. I felt sorry for the guy, even if he is a pompous manipulating person.

Oh yeah and to top off that fab news about the lady getting fired, my car's check engine light has been on for a while... well today it started flashing and the car was shuddering. Back to the shop we go on a car I owe way too much for and that's not worth fixing. Such is life, eh?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Today, I am less sore than yesterday even though I ran for 2.2 miles last night. My son went with me, which was funny because my pace is really slow right now and he is really fast from being in basketball. it's like the turtle and the hare. Yep, you guessed it, I'm the turtle. BUT I was able to run longer than his little fast legs did! Endurance baby!

Still tracking my food intake everyday, which previously before I started this trek seemed like a daunting task that weighed me down and tied me to realization that I can't eat certain foods. I have changed that attitude. Before I made my mind up that I am vehemently determined to lose weight I was have atrocious stomach pain after eating every day and every single meal. It was horrible. Since I started eating veggies, fruits, whole grain foods... guess what? no stomach pain. In fact, everything is 'regular' again if you catch my drift.

I thought I was going to be thrown for a loop this week when I was invited to a luncheon at work to celebrate all September work anniversaries. We are going to a new restaurant in town, which would really put me to the test in resisting really fattening foods. Thank goodness they have a menu online and I have been able to find what I will eat on Friday. It actually sounds very good: poached salmon salad with lemon poppy dressing. And healthy! I should be able to stick within my WW points and not feel guilty or hungry either!

This weekend however might prove a test. Hubby and I are meeting friends for a burger and beer bash. Great! not really. I have already bought MDG 64 for me to drink. I don't care if it tastes like piss water instead of beer, that's what I'm drinking. I'm getting some fresh lime and we're gonna make it happen. As for the burger, I will try to eat before hand and get full enough to not eat too much crap!
Now, if I could just resist the temptation to smoke while I have a beer in the other hand. It seems to go together, doesn't it? A cigarette and a beer, they are lovers and must be together. I need to keep in perspective that I'm a runner now, I can't smoke casually on weekends. Nope, can't do it.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sore but determined

My horoscope for today is great! makes me feel very good about how things will work out for me. For once in my life I feel in control of my destiny. I feel as if there is nothing holding me back but me. And if that's all that is holding me back from having nice things and a slimmer waist... then bring it on! I can so totally do it!

Horoscope below:

"This is the ideal day for making plans. With Mercury, your ruler, turning direct in you birth sign after a lengthy period of retrograde motion your thoughts will be clear again -- and what you think today will be your reality tomorrow..."

Tomorrow, I will have exercised and eaten right... one meal at a time. One decision at a time.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Ready for Monday on a Tuesday

Ready for tomorrow astonishly! Had the day off (employer gives me a free one on in my b-day month, very nice). Got some things done. STUCK to my points and exercised. Wow, I'm amazing myself.

My lunch is made, which is monumental. But something I hope to make a habit. I am determined not to give up.

I ran 2.4 miles in thirty minutes. Had a lot of stopping and starting, but I did the best I could! I did a lot better than I thought. Still working on the iPod mix. It's a work in progress. If I hear something on the television, radio or tv program, I'm downloading. What ever inspires me makes it to my running mix. Which is ironically named Angry Running. Because I'm angry that I've gotten up to this weight!

She's a runner

I have always struggled with my weight, even though many would look at me and say I'm not overweight. However, it's a personal thing. I am not comfortable with my weight right now and so I'm on a quest to get back to the steel trap I was previously. What do you mean by that you ask?

Well... for years and years my mouth was a steel trap. I did not allow anything past my lips with sugar or high amounts of fat. My daily diet included grits and chicken sausage for b'fast, Subway sandwich or salad for lunch and a baked chicken breast for dinner. That was it. If I wanted a snack I would sneak a few pretzels. I lost quite a bit of weight that way.

Insert husband who eats like trash and very, very slowly I start to introduce foods like homemade onion rings, steak, sodas, homemade ice cream and the such. Stopping at Sonic and getting a cherry limeade (not the diet version, mind you!) and cheese sticks is a norm... hence I have gained about 20 pounds in about a year. Not cool. My jeans are not fitting nicely anymore and I'm starting to form a muffin top. YUCK!

I have posted before that I previously joined Weight Watchers, but have been on the yo-yo for following the plan very steadily. SO, yesterday morning I wake up and go for a run. Haven't gone for a jog since May of this year. It was tough and I'm pretty sore today, but I plan on going again today.

If you have ever needed help losing weight, try Weight Watchers. Seriously, it works. Get over whatever you are holding on to and just join. Try a meeting locally or do it online. Stick with your points and exercise and you WILL lose weight. no doubt. I have done it, my sister has done it... google it. There are tons of people who have lost weight with WW. It's a great program. There are tons of recipes on their site. They give good advice on how to stick with it. Just do it!

Hopefully today after I run, I'll go out and do it again the next day. That's how I'm going to live, day-to-day and sometimes it's meal to meal. There is a huge tub of Halloween candy that I bought in the living room which I have previously delved into unrelentlessly but for the past two days, I haven't touched it. Trying to stay strong and lose these 20 pounds! wish me luck!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My husband is great....

My husband is great.  He's my solid rock that balances my crazy, wild tendency to quit my goals and scurry off into a corner and hide when things get hard.

Often, I want to quit college and quit working and just quit whatever it is that I'm doing because it's hard or difficult or painful or not going my way. Whichever the reason, I am just a habitual quitter. Sunday, laying in the floor of our dining room while he was taking apart something (pretty typical around our house) I told him I wanted to quit college. He said okay, whatever I wanted to do, but very gently and diplomatically reminded me while I started college in the first place. I somehow had forgotten I had started school for self satisfaction. The pressure at the end of school to go to college was tremendous. All my friends did it, why didn't I? In fact, all my friends went beyond the Bachelor's degree and have Masters. I have a GED. Nice.

So dammit. The husband was right, I was giving up on me. Again. I always give up on me. I can't do that. I have that I do that. Why do I do that? some weird childhood thing? Dunno. Nonetheless. Husband helped me put college back into perspective for me and he's incredible. Love him, love him, love him. Hopefully I am just as supportive and good for him as he is good for me.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Transformation

Today I had a refreshing thing happen to me. As I was pulling back up to work in my personal car after meeting a wrestler from the 1970's WWF era (long story) I thought I kept hearing something wrong with my car, like something was scraping.

It so happens our office is being re-stuccoed (that a word?) and there were workers outside the building. An older Hispanic man started pointing at my car underneath and was telling me something is very broken English. I looked where he was pointing and saw a HUGE piece of plastic had come loose and was dragging. This very kind man laid down on the concrete and helped me pull out the piece of plastic. Another worker also came over to help. WOW! That was so refreshing, so very simple to many people but it was the moment of kindness that I needed. I couldn't stop smiling at these two gentlemen for what they did for me. They truly were gentlemen.


Seriously, lately I have been one crabby ass chick. Nothing has made me happy, I have spent hundreds if not a thousand dollars on clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, sunglasses but nothing has made me happy in the last six weeks!!! I have posted about how I hate my job, my boss, my co-worker... you name it I bitched about it. (sorry for the negative vibes) Not to mention my hormones were completely whacked out. hadn't had a cycle in fifty days! Geez, no wonder I'm all effed up.

So, today I'm going through my normal "I hate my boss" routine and it hits me as I'm looking at my bank account which is exceptionally low, lower than I normally let it go but I got "shop crazy" the past fifty days... So it hits me. It hits me that I have THE best job I have EVER had, making more money that I know what to do with and I'm considering pissing it away for what? To prove a point that my boss in an immature idiot? I've figured that out already. I know he's a nimcompoop, I know he's not qualified for his job, but what does that have to do with me and my happiness? I realized today I need to be thankful for what I have. I normally avoid saying cheesy ass lines like this but, I am blessed. I have everything I need and then some.

I am changing my attitude slowly but surely. I think I'm getting back on track to the smart ass, whitty humored girl I normally am, just viewing life from a laid back perspective. Kind of like in the picture above of me and my husband in Hawaii on our honeymoon in May. Good times, good times.

And, plus if I quit this great paying job we can't buy the perfect house that we've found and I couldn't shop as much as I like and things would be very different, putting a lot of stress on my husband... all because of my temper tantrums!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Motivation!

Rejoined Weight Watchers today. Gotta get these negative, negative thoughts out of my head!

This was inspirational from the WW Web site and I really, really needed it!

"With our thoughts we make the world."
-Buddha.

Negative thoughts creep into most people's minds. But for some of us, they kind of take over—and we don't even realize it's happening. Negative thoughts come in the form of all-or-nothing thinking, ("I'm never eating chocolate again!"), absolute thinking ("I should" or "I ought"), and self-fulfilling prophecies ("I can't").

We believe what we tell ourselves. And what we tell ourselves shows up in what we do. That's why these kinds of negative thoughts are dangerous: if you expect to fail, you probably will; if you set unrealistic expectations, you probably won't meet them, you'll be disappointed...and then your mind will flood with more negative thoughts.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Ready for fall!

It's blooming hot around here, like 102 was the high and I'm so ready for fall!

things I love about fall... wearing boots, darker colored clothes (I'm pretty sure I look better in darker colors), darker hair, big pots of soup cooking all day, windy days, leaves blowing, cuddly fires to stay warm by, watching Harry Potter when it's howling cold, Halloween! (my favorite, favorite holiday). Oh my, I cannot wait for fall to get here... it will be here technically in about a month, but it will be October before it cools here.

Some of my best memories were in the fall, with the leaves turning beautiful colors, falling and eating bowls of chili and mugs of hot chocolate. *sigh* can't wait!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Oh, the drama

So, again I'm using this blog for my original intended purpose, the vent about my life and issues that come up sometimes on a daily basis.

If someone suddenly will not look you in the eye, speak to you or acknowledge you exist one day and the day before was offering to help you with a project... would you say that was odd?? Yea, me too.

Chick at work, who always pushes herself into every other department's projects attempted to push her way (successfully because my boss doesn't have a set of balls to tell this lady no) one of my projects and I simply refused her help. Not directly, not indirectly. She asked me to let her know if I needed her help... I didn't need her help (because I can do my job all by myself, I'm a big girl) so I never asked her. Apparently, that pissed her off. Four days now she has not spoken to me.

Never a day has passed for a year in which she didn't ask me to walk outside with her while she smoked on her break and shoot the breeze. Albeit while I'm outside with her she did nothing but bitch non-stop about someone in the office, her husband or some other poor member of her household. In her mind, she knows how to handle everything the best way possible and everyone else isn't doing things right.

But really, it's been very nice not having to converse with this crazy person. I feel a lot better at work. She is two cubicles over and I haven't had to worry about her bullsh*t... It's great.

What I'm trying to figure out about this person is if she's just that unhappy with her life that she has to feel important and take over other people's projects and jobs... she's done this with several other people and been successful. Essentially talking the ball-less boss into giving her segments of other people's work because those other people aren't doing things right.

Amazing. This is truly one of the reasons I changed my college degree major from communications to education. Can't wait til I'm out.

Should I break the ice with her? Or let her continue being childish? It's kind of funny, because it's no sweat off my back. Other people are oblivious to her ways, but I've figured her out. Part of me wants to call her out on how she operates, but it's not worth it.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Why is it so hard?

Contemplating last night as I lay in bed watching I Love You, Man, the movie about how I keep people at a distance for a very long time before I let them "in." The movie is about a man who is engaged and has no close friends to be in his wedding party, while his fiance has six close friends. (spoiler alert! in case you haven't seen it and want to see this masterpiece)

The movie follows this guy as he attempts to make friends and ends up making a friend but is very uncomfortable throughout the process. Interesting thought came to my mind that I really don't have very many close friends. I had a good friend in high school who is now a complete bitch and only sees her career and how many masters degrees she can get. She completely snubbed my mother at a funeral last month, treated my mom like someone beneath her.

Have a few friends locally, but they all grew up together in this small town and I'm just an outsider. Some days then bring me into their fold, others they plan parties without me. Very strange, indeed.

Reason for this post? Last year three local families (and when I say local, we live in a very rural area and they live about two miles from us) planned a party at the person's house with the most room. We cleverly titled the party an invitation from us three families. Cute, lots of people showed up. We ate cow balls (yes, that's what I said) and drank til the wee hours of the morning.

This year, it's time again for that same party (we have an excess of cow balls) however, the party does not include my family, another family has somehow replaced us. I was a little miffed when I received the evite this morning that our family was not included... so what's a girl to do? Reply with a "maybe." Hell yeah!

Not sure if I should say something to the "new" organizers? Just go and put on my happy face? Not go and sit at home with the family and watch crappy movies while they are two miles away having fun? Not even sure what I did to put them off? I think I might be threatening. Hell, I don't know. I get so sick of trying to figure other people out. This is number one reason I enjoy hanging with the hubby and his male friends. When the wives come out there are unwritten rules, feelings get hurt and if I forget to ask about their recent vacation, then I'm an instant bitch. I couldn't be more of a girly girl, love to shop, sip wine, talk gossip, love my cosmos, Sex and the City, would wear heels and skirt everyday. Maybe I just need a vacation. I've been working six days a week.

Poop. Hopefully I'm not the only one with these issues. Right?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Change is good

I'm not talking political mumbo jumbo. (hope to never talk about that on this blog)

No, the big change for me is my major in college. Yes, I am a 31 year-old woman in college (online, albeit) But I'm in college. I live in the butthole of America and the only college near me is a rodeo college, yep not going there.

Previously my major was communications to compliment my job. Well, for the most part I hate my job. My boss is a complete brat and has poor communication skills and I just down right do not like my job. My boss is the CEO's son, in a small town in a small company.

The down side? I make very good money with excellent benefits. But money isn't everything, right? My happiness is much more important.

I contacted my counselor this afternoon and changed my major to education. I'm going to be a teacher. Very frightening. Haven't told the husband, in fact have told the husband I would never want to be a teacher, but I have always, secretly wanted to be a teacher and I'm so sick of fighting it. So, here it goes!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Boy band love


I have a confession to make and hopefully it won't hurt the street 'cred' (whatever that is)... but I love Justin Timberlake. He's freaking hot, he can dance and I love his music and he can actually sing (unlike his ex-girlfriend Ms. Spears). Haven't listened to his music in about year and he just popped up on the iPod at work (while I'm supposed to be doing homework, whoops) and I can hardly focus... just swaying to 'My Love.'

That song was my hubby's ring tone when we were dating and I lived in Dallas and he lived here in Oklahoma. Reminds me of the hubby. Seriously, I'm not thinking about Justin's perfect abs and ass.. Really.

Ok, switching the iPod back to Radiohead. geez.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Coming home

My twelve year old son has been away for the summer for two entire months, which is also known as an eternity for me, his beloved mother. Husband and I got married May 30th, went to Hawaii right after and the kiddo went with my parents to their home in Dallas and also to the sperm donors parents house as well. The sperm donor lives in another state and calls the kiddo about once a quarter, doesn't pay child support, all-around loser... you get the picture?

I'm very okay with the kiddo going to the sperm donor grandparents house because I know he will eat, get a bath at least twice a week and play an overload of video games. (When I say sperm donor, I really don't mean an anonymous person that donated sperm to score a six pack of beer in college... I mean the ex-husband that doesn't care about his child but only sees him at the urging of his parents).

Tomorrow morning my mother, little sister and the kiddo leave Dallas for the 8 hour trek to Oklahoma and I am beside myself with glee. I positively, absolutely cannot wait to set eyes on my son. I have missed him so much it's unbelievable. I think I was clinically depressed over the summer without him. 4th of July sucked without him. Every weekend sucked; every day sucked.

And as usual, I haven't cleaned the house in preparation for the company coming for the extended weekend. SO, I have a huge list of things to clean tonight when I get home. But hey, I work better under pressure. Really, I do. I had all week to do all these things, but had no deadline, so now that they will be here tomorrow, I'm ready to clean!

I know I'm not alone in the 'better under pressure' thing. Right?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Hey baby

My last post about re-dedicating my life to being skinny is a joke. Seriously? Right. I enjoy eating, flat out, plain and simple. I enjoy going to get a coffee with a friend, sure the milk will be non-fat but I now refuse to worry about the "points" in the damn drink.

So, forget Weight Watchers. I refuse to follow the points, I refuse to make myself stay within the certain number during the day, then at night when home with the family beat myself up relentlessly because I didn't stay within the points! it's ridiculous. I'm sick of feeling like crap when I don't do what the plan states I should.

I am not fat! I am 5'6" and I weigh 153 pounds. That is not fat! I felt completely liberated this morning when I read this article: http://watrd.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/eff-dieting/

Kate Harding, you are my hero! Thank you for giving me permission not to be a hard ass on myself, and realize I am beautiful the way I am. AND that it's okay to eat, like to eat, to cook, to bake and to be everything I am without the guilt. Goodbye diet! Goodbye guilt, goodbye weight watchers 3 month journal. I'm going to be happy with who I am and stop projecting my stupid insipid feelings of inadequacy on my family and co-workers.

And dammit, I'm gonna have a Dr. Pepper!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Start all over again

Earlier this week I wrote about my renewed dedication to college and how I want to get more out of my education that I'm paying for (brilliant idea, eh?) That's gone very well so far.

I'm back to renewing my goals for good health. Reason: It's been nagging me for weeks about how crappy I eat. I totally broke up with Dr. Pepper to take him back all over again. WHY??!?! Story of my life.

Another reason: A friend of mine last night was talking about her grandmother who is on the verge of death. As the friend and I were drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette the friend stated her g-ma was 83-84 years old... then friend then states there's no way she could personally live that long and laughed. I laughed on the outside and thought that I really DO want to live that long. That's not a questionable goal in my mind. So I need to give up the beer and the cigarettes on the weekends. It's just not helping me. Especially when I like to run for fitness... smoking doesn't quite fit into that picture.

I have bought a new Nike+ sensor for my running shoes and iPod. My goal is get up in the mornings and go for a run when it's still cool. During the peak of May and June, okay and July my excuse not to run was the heat. I haven't gone for a jog since May 6th. How pathetic.

So, I'm renewing my vow to break up with Dr. Pepper even though it's all around me, it's free in the vending machine at work, I enjoyed drinking it at 4pm everyday at work and it's stocked fully in the refrigerator... I'm tired of being unhappy with my body.

Here I go! Wish me luck! Share your personal triumphs. Diet yo-yos and issues. I'd love to be encouraged even more.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Lack of dedication


Lately I haven't been very dedicated to my school work. I am in college on a part-time basis pursuing my degree in communications... and quite frankly I haven't done all I should to make this degree something I will benefit from. I tend to not read the required chapters and fuddle my way through assignments. But seriously, I have a 96 in both of my classes right now, so how bad can it be?
I mean I've been in PR for about a year and before that I wasn't fully in a PR position, but I was doing PR in my mind for every company I ever worked for. So I feel I know my stuff! A little too heady of me to say? I don't know.

ANYHOW. I am now dedicating myself to reading the chapters required for my communications class. Not necessarily for the science class or other BS class I have to take towards my degree. Currently taking nutrition... trust me ... it's not as cool as it sounds. It's basic stuff you pretty much already knew.

Oh yea.. my motiviation for this renewed tenacity for learning? My employer will not contribute towards my expenses for the degree that makes me qualified for this job... but a manager is enrolled in the same college and I'm pretty darn sure they are paying for his education. WTF? Total crap, but hey, what can I do? Can't get another job paying as well as this in my area and doing this job. I love this job!

I'm just gonna be doing a lot of chapter reading during work... because hey... it's work related!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Wonderful life

It's amazing what sleeping ten hours two days in a row without having drank excessive amounts of alcohol and staying up really late the night before does for a body!!

I woke up yesterday to having "almost breakfast in bed" from my husband. I woke up just a little bit too early before he could come in with my belgian waffles, sausage and steaming mug of coffee with creamer (because it's the weekend!). We did absolutely nothing yesterday beyond traveling to town to pick up groceries, then we laid down a little and watched a movie, then we watched another movie and I think we ended up watching three movies yesterday. It was fantastic to be relaxed. not having to get up and worry about work, or college or anything!

Went to bed fairly early last night, woke up to having almost breakfast in bed again! This morning biscuits and gravy, made with part skim milk! My husband does love me! Or the skim milk was going bad so he decided to use it up.. hmm that's probably it! Oh well.. it's the thought that counts, right?

I love my husband, he is fantastic to me, treats me so very well.

We are cleaning house today, top to bottom. He is mowin the lawn, I'm mopping floors. such a great trade off I think. I would prefer him not to clean the inside of the house (because I'm a control freak) and he likes the lawn done a certain way. It works out very well.

Happy weekend!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Words do hurt


I learned yesterday a very valuable lesson. It was one of those lessons I hope to keep with me from here to where ever. The lesson is that words hurt. I am very wreck less with my words and never put much thought to how they affect those around me.

Yesterday, as I was carrying on in my regular routine at work, chatting with the girls, when a comment was made about my hair. A particularly passive-aggressive woman got really nasty and made a very rude comment about my face and hair... can't remember what she said but it was very nasty. I ahve been nothing but nice to this woman, seriously. There are people I might be uglier too, but this one... not so. Always nice to her.

The comment really hurt and her vengence and how she was so happy she upset me really spoke to me. Words do hurt. And I am very careless with my words. I am making a huge effort now to really try to be nicer with my words. I now realize after this incident how terrible they can be when not used properly.

The woman in question has obvious issues, she's quite moody and you never know what you'll get when speaking to her. So I'm always cautious of her anyhow.

So, here is my pledge to be kinder and nicer with my words. Starting now. Go!

What about you? Have any moments when you realized how harsh you can be? Or how harsh others can be? Words are very powerful. maybe more powerful than a fist. I hope to remember that.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Childhood

Oh boy, today's writing prompt is a doozy from One-Minute Writer: "If everyone had grown up the way I did, this world would be..."

This world would be more content with their surroundings, realizing chocolate chip cookies and milk on Christmas Eve does make everything better!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Wednesday Lunch

Lean Cuisine, BBQ Chicken Pizza. The box sat on my desk all morning (I let them thaw a little before I cook them) and it smelled fabulous through the box!

Lunchtime and the pizza was not a disappointment. The cheese was great, very large strips of it. The chicken was tender and seasoned nicely and there was plenty of it, which you don't find most of the time with frozen low fat lunches.

Read a nice chick-lit book and enjoyed my hour. Will post a review of the book I've been reading, Original Cyn, by Sue Margolis soon.

A case of the giggles...


Today's writing prompt: What makes you giggle (or chuckle)?

I have a cat, dog, and two ferrets. The dog and cat were first, then the two ferrets came along much to the displeasure of the dog and cat. Dog and cat now get along with said ferrets.

Brian is the albino male, who is very sweet, loves his Bandit treats and prefers to hide them rather than eat them immediately. Then there is Gillian, she is a sable ferret who is just plain bad. She digs, scratches and gets into absolutely everything. Brian on the other hand is mild tempered and is happy scuttle butting around the house. Gillian needs to dig in the couch, boxes, our bed, under refrigerators.

Brian was the first ferret we owned for about six months, then we got Gillian. And yes, they are named after Family Guy, Brian the dog and his girlfriend Gillian, whose voice is Drew Barrymore. The names and personalities fit completely, let me tell you.

OK! So what does this have to do with giggling, you ask? I will tell you. Prior to Gillian arriving on the scene, Brian loved my cat Pumpkin, who is a very picky skiddish cat but is overly loved and very stingy with her love. She's more like the spoiled little girl of the family (oh wait, that sounds like me). Prior to Gillian's grand entrance, Brian and Pumpkin would play. Once Gills made the entrance, Pumpkin was done with Brian.

I snapped this photo this past weekend of Brian in the act of attempting to coersce Pumpkin into playing. Needless to say, it did not work. She ignored him, he got bored and scuttle butted away.
Most of the time however, she gets very pissed that he won't leave her alone and she grabs him with all four legs and starts to lick him, then bite him, lick, bite, lick, bite. Then when he tries to get away she uses her back legs to kick the crap out of him. It's quite a hilarious scene. It's truly a love/hate relationship.

And that's what makes me giggle.

Brian apparently is cheating on Pumpkin with Gillian, so forget it, she's not down with the playing. This is very upsetting to Brian so he does everything he can to get Pumpkin to play with him. Most of the time this consists of laying in front of near her, flat on his stomach in hopes she will have pity on him and play!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

At peace (sorta)


Through the turmoils of high school (which I have been out of for 13 years) there was that one friend that always had more, a better car, richer parents and was just a little smarter and seemed to have all the advantages in life. She was strangely pretty, said the right things, got great grades without trying but she was my friend. She was a friend of convenience. Only when it was at her leisure were we friends.

Over the years we lost touch, tried to reconnect but she flaked out (Could have been because I was married with a kid by then, and she was home for the summer from college), but it never worked out.

Viola, the invention of social media, I find her thirteen years after the fact. Wow. Still treats me the same and nearly somewhat snobbish and stuck up towards me. She completes a profile about herself and "publishes" the details of her life, presumably so I can read how she got a full ride to six years of college, has some great degree for being a librarian (really??) but now teaches school. She lives in the part of town where we grew up that I would love to live in, has a great house, dogs, blah blah blah.

Very irritating person, I just want to be her friend, not in competition with her, but it's not that simple with this person.

So, to say the least I was very surprised when reading she was engaged and getting married right around the time I was getting re-married.

I went first with the marriage thing, thought I looked fat in my dress, etc. Typical normal thing for me. Stress over the weight. I should have dieted more, I should have worked out, I should have broken up with Dr. Pepper a lot sooner! Nonetheless, it was what it was.

So... back to the story about the friend in school. She gets married, posts pictures of her wedding and the trip they had afterwards and was so insanely thrilled beyond what a reasonably vendictive person should have been.... she was FAT! I mean, not heavy, healthy, cushy, squishy... she was fat. A good size 18 fat. I'm a size 10 and I struggle on a daily basis to feel good about my body (especially the cellulite on the back of my legs, eek!)

I was so excited after viewing the pictures I was unable to complete my homework or focus on anything but laugh like a maniac for twenty minutes.

Ok, so I calm down finally after twenty minutes (my husband thinks I'm insane after this incident of mania)... and I begin to realize she isn't happy, you can see it in her face. She's happy, but she is not happy with how she looks. How sad. Makes me happy for the decisions I make every day towards being healthier. Sans the beer and cigarettes with the husband. And oh yeah, the fried foods I eat with him on the weekends. But other than that I do a good job.

I look fine, I feel fine, no matter what the scale says in the morning (151.2!!) I'm okay. Education, money, nice house... nothing if I'm not happy with my body and how I feel about myself. I can have thousands of dollars in the bank and it mean nothing if I don't feel good about my appearance.

I'm not ashamed of that, it's my personality, has always been with me, and will never leave. Why fight something that is innate? Why feel ashamed that I care what I look like? Does this mean I am in shape and gorgeous... hell no! In fact, it means the opposite. It means I'll never stop working on how I look.

I always think I'll get to the "old lady" stage at some point (not too soon, only 31 years old!) and not care what others think of me, but I can't just let myself go. I have to care.

Best medicine


Today's writing prompt, courtesy of the One-Minute Writer: besides laughter, what is the best medicine?

That is seriously difficult, because there is nothing like a child's genuine laugh, it is refreshing, beautiful and enlightening.

Flowers are great medicine for the soul. Receiving a bouquet of flowers can refresh love, feelings and even hope in times of despair.
I have a flower garden in front of our house which I've planted morning glories, gladioulas and freesias. My favorite flower is gladioulas by far because of their large blossoms and simple elegance.

I fell in love with them while dining at Macaroni Grill in Dallas, Texas. They always have white glads in a huge vase and the sheer elegance the flowers cast on the restaurant is amazing.

So I have huge pods of them planted in my front yard. Once they start to bloom (and I weed the bed a little more) I'll take picutres and post.

Monday, July 6, 2009

House hunting is on!

Hubby and I have been renting for about two years and now that we are married, ready to buy a home. But we have some strict parameters. Must be in the country, same area where we rent, same school district and we don't want to settle.

We have found two homes, very different however.

First one is within our price range, in the country, ten acres, small cellar (must have a basement or cellar), three bed, two bath, out building for hubby, but in another school district from the one my kiddo is currently in.

Second one is within a mile of where we live, horse stalls (nice ones), round top barn, cellar and basement. Three bedrooms, office, possibly only one bathroom which is not cool. Grain bins, another small shed, however on the county road and way out of our price range.

So, we're not sure what direction to head. Just gonna wait and find out what the best road to travel down is.

This stuff is hard!

Dear Dr. Pepper: I'm breaking up with you


That's right, you heard it. You make me fat, you make me more hungry, you taste really delicious, but have no nutritional value. In fact, you are bad for me.

So this is it... we're done, it's over, I'm not going to take you back, period.

You will still exist in my refrigerator at home, however you will not be consumed by me. I will lose weight, look better and feel better. You will not tempt me in the afternoons at work in the soda machine... even if my company provides free sodas.

sorry things didn't work out. I'm no longer 12 years old and can't metabolize your empty calories when I'm 31 years old.

So, as soon as I finish this last sip of you... we are finished!

Monday lunch


At least it smells good and it's not too bad to the taste.

Kashi Chicken florentine. Had it been sans the mushrooms would have been much better.
Good thought stimulator for a Monday after a 3 day weekend:

Imagine you will be sitting down a week from today to describe how your week went. What do you hope you'll be writing?Courtesy of The One-Minute Writer... thank you very much.

Here's what I hope to be writing... that I got everything done at work that needed to be done in a successfull fulfilling manner, that the feeling of dread I have for preparing for the public speaking engagement I have Saturday to a bunch of girl scouts will go away and I will be ravishingly successful and that maybe I lost a pound or two and my hair grew at least an inch. Ok that last part about the hair is a little far fetched.

I hope to add to those accomplishments for the week that I finished reading the book I started a few weeks ago, Original Cyn... which is fairly good read. Easy to read, along the normal lines of a chick-lit book, English, gay best friend, romantic interest, blah blah.

Also, I hope to write more. I love to write, and expound upon my feelings beyond the typical school work mumbo jumbo.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Isn't it universal??

My belief is that everyone cares what others think about them and seriously take those criticisms to heart. Do I assume this because I care?

Example: my hair is very short, because of my own request at the hair dresser this past week and was a little taken back. Along with my hair, the stylist cut off my self-esteem as well. A few days have passed and I'm feeling a little better, in fact quite a bit better. But tomorrow I have to go back to work and hear everyone react to my short hair. No biggee? Really their reactions are just annoying.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Independence Day

Thought this was interesting from another blog I follow, The One-Minute Writer.

Today's prompt: Today what would you like to declare your independence from?

I would like to declare my independence from being a rude, ungrateful and overall pissy person. It gets me nowhere and makes me unhappy in the process. It's difficult however when others around you are that way and won't see they are rude and disgusting.

Also, I don't like my hair being so short and it's upsetting me at times. I will get over it, because my hair will grow!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Blizzard weekend

All three of us (fiance and 12 year old) made it through the spring blizzard of 2009! It was my first one and to say the least, it was really fun! It was almost like Christmas, I couldn't sleep the night before, I wanted to stay up all night and wait for it. The next day was so exciting I couldn't get things done around the house.
The weather had hit overnight and there was a nice blanket of snow on the ground. Granted it's already spring and there are some trees budding at this point. I wonder if the trees and grass get confused by this?
Any ways, so the blizzard rages on all day Friday, I don't go into work because you can't see for anything. Visibility was about 100 yards. Had to take a vacation day, which I think is total crap, but whatever.... can't do anything about it.
Friday night we try to "get out" but can't because of the snow, the drifts are getting pretty high (4-6 feet tall).
Saturday morning proved victorious for our escape from prison. We go over to a friends house near by and play games and eat. It was a blast.
My first blizzard will be memorable!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Snow tomorrow

In a decent mood today because we are going to have a pretty good sized snow storm hit us tonight and mainly tomorrow on Friday. So that kind of thing puts me in a good mood. It means I will have plenty of time in the house, enjoying a fire and sitting around watching movies while I periodically look outside and watch it snow sideways... it's awesome.

I find myself having to look forward to things to be a happy person on a daily basis. Tis strange, huh? If there isn't some sort of goal or big thing happening in the near future... life is just too dull for me. Granted I could create happiness (because we all have that ability) but that's a lot of work I'm not interested in attempting.

Thought for the day: My office mate should learn how to chew with her damn mouth closed. Just simple manners.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Twitter's issues

It seems everytime I attempt to go into my company's account and just add a new person to follow, I get this message, "Twitter... over capacity!"

I could just scream. Fix it!