Boy band love

I have a confession to make and hopefully it won't hurt the street 'cred' (whatever that is)... but I love Justin Timberlake. He's freaking hot, he can dance and I love his music and he can actually sing (unlike his ex-girlfriend Ms. Spears). Haven't listened to his music in about year and he just popped up on the iPod at work (while I'm supposed to be doing homework, whoops) and I can hardly focus... just swaying to 'My Love.'

That song was my hubby's ring tone when we were dating and I lived in Dallas and he lived here in Oklahoma. Reminds me of the hubby. Seriously, I'm not thinking about Justin's perfect abs and ass.. Really.

Ok, switching the iPod back to Radiohead. geez.

Coming home

My twelve year old son has been away for the summer for two entire months, which is also known as an eternity for me, his beloved mother. Husband and I got married May 30th, went to Hawaii right after and the kiddo went with my parents to their home in Dallas and also to the sperm donors parents house as well. The sperm donor lives in another state and calls the kiddo about once a quarter, doesn't pay child support, all-around loser... you get the picture?

I'm very okay with the kiddo going to the sperm donor grandparents house because I know he will eat, get a bath at least twice a week and play an overload of video games. (When I say sperm donor, I really don't mean an anonymous person that donated sperm to score a six pack of beer in college... I mean the ex-husband that doesn't care about his child but only sees him at the urging of his parents).

Tomorrow morning my mother, little sister and the kiddo leave Dallas for the 8 hour trek to Oklahoma and I am beside myself with glee. I positively, absolutely cannot wait to set eyes on my son. I have missed him so much it's unbelievable. I think I was clinically depressed over the summer without him. 4th of July sucked without him. Every weekend sucked; every day sucked.

And as usual, I haven't cleaned the house in preparation for the company coming for the extended weekend. SO, I have a huge list of things to clean tonight when I get home. But hey, I work better under pressure. Really, I do. I had all week to do all these things, but had no deadline, so now that they will be here tomorrow, I'm ready to clean!

I know I'm not alone in the 'better under pressure' thing. Right?

Hey baby

My last post about re-dedicating my life to being skinny is a joke. Seriously? Right. I enjoy eating, flat out, plain and simple. I enjoy going to get a coffee with a friend, sure the milk will be non-fat but I now refuse to worry about the "points" in the damn drink.

So, forget Weight Watchers. I refuse to follow the points, I refuse to make myself stay within the certain number during the day, then at night when home with the family beat myself up relentlessly because I didn't stay within the points! it's ridiculous. I'm sick of feeling like crap when I don't do what the plan states I should.

I am not fat! I am 5'6" and I weigh 153 pounds. That is not fat! I felt completely liberated this morning when I read this article: http://watrd.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/eff-dieting/

Kate Harding, you are my hero! Thank you for giving me permission not to be a hard ass on myself, and realize I am beautiful the way I am. AND that it's okay to eat, like to eat, to cook, to bake and to be everything I am without the guilt. Goodbye diet! Goodbye guilt, goodbye weight watchers 3 month journal. I'm going to be happy with who I am and stop projecting my stupid insipid feelings of inadequacy on my family and co-workers.

And dammit, I'm gonna have a Dr. Pepper!

Start all over again

Earlier this week I wrote about my renewed dedication to college and how I want to get more out of my education that I'm paying for (brilliant idea, eh?) That's gone very well so far.

I'm back to renewing my goals for good health. Reason: It's been nagging me for weeks about how crappy I eat. I totally broke up with Dr. Pepper to take him back all over again. WHY??!?! Story of my life.

Another reason: A friend of mine last night was talking about her grandmother who is on the verge of death. As the friend and I were drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette the friend stated her g-ma was 83-84 years old... then friend then states there's no way she could personally live that long and laughed. I laughed on the outside and thought that I really DO want to live that long. That's not a questionable goal in my mind. So I need to give up the beer and the cigarettes on the weekends. It's just not helping me. Especially when I like to run for fitness... smoking doesn't quite fit into that picture.

I have bought a new Nike+ sensor for my running shoes and iPod. My goal is get up in the mornings and go for a run when it's still cool. During the peak of May and June, okay and July my excuse not to run was the heat. I haven't gone for a jog since May 6th. How pathetic.

So, I'm renewing my vow to break up with Dr. Pepper even though it's all around me, it's free in the vending machine at work, I enjoyed drinking it at 4pm everyday at work and it's stocked fully in the refrigerator... I'm tired of being unhappy with my body.

Here I go! Wish me luck! Share your personal triumphs. Diet yo-yos and issues. I'd love to be encouraged even more.

Lack of dedication

Lately I haven't been very dedicated to my school work. I am in college on a part-time basis pursuing my degree in communications... and quite frankly I haven't done all I should to make this degree something I will benefit from. I tend to not read the required chapters and fuddle my way through assignments. But seriously, I have a 96 in both of my classes right now, so how bad can it be?
I mean I've been in PR for about a year and before that I wasn't fully in a PR position, but I was doing PR in my mind for every company I ever worked for. So I feel I know my stuff! A little too heady of me to say? I don't know.

ANYHOW. I am now dedicating myself to reading the chapters required for my communications class. Not necessarily for the science class or other BS class I have to take towards my degree. Currently taking nutrition... trust me ... it's not as cool as it sounds. It's basic stuff you pretty much already knew.

Oh yea.. my motiviation for this renewed tenacity for learning? My employer will not contribute towards my expenses for the degree that makes me qualified for this job... but a manager is enrolled in the same college and I'm pretty darn sure they are paying for his education. WTF? Total crap, but hey, what can I do? Can't get another job paying as well as this in my area and doing this job. I love this job!

I'm just gonna be doing a lot of chapter reading during work... because hey... it's work related!

Wonderful life

It's amazing what sleeping ten hours two days in a row without having drank excessive amounts of alcohol and staying up really late the night before does for a body!!

I woke up yesterday to having "almost breakfast in bed" from my husband. I woke up just a little bit too early before he could come in with my belgian waffles, sausage and steaming mug of coffee with creamer (because it's the weekend!). We did absolutely nothing yesterday beyond traveling to town to pick up groceries, then we laid down a little and watched a movie, then we watched another movie and I think we ended up watching three movies yesterday. It was fantastic to be relaxed. not having to get up and worry about work, or college or anything!

Went to bed fairly early last night, woke up to having almost breakfast in bed again! This morning biscuits and gravy, made with part skim milk! My husband does love me! Or the skim milk was going bad so he decided to use it up.. hmm that's probably it! Oh well.. it's the thought that counts, right?

I love my husband, he is fantastic to me, treats me so very well.

We are cleaning house today, top to bottom. He is mowin the lawn, I'm mopping floors. such a great trade off I think. I would prefer him not to clean the inside of the house (because I'm a control freak) and he likes the lawn done a certain way. It works out very well.

Happy weekend!

Words do hurt

I learned yesterday a very valuable lesson. It was one of those lessons I hope to keep with me from here to where ever. The lesson is that words hurt. I am very wreck less with my words and never put much thought to how they affect those around me.

Yesterday, as I was carrying on in my regular routine at work, chatting with the girls, when a comment was made about my hair. A particularly passive-aggressive woman got really nasty and made a very rude comment about my face and hair... can't remember what she said but it was very nasty. I ahve been nothing but nice to this woman, seriously. There are people I might be uglier too, but this one... not so. Always nice to her.

The comment really hurt and her vengence and how she was so happy she upset me really spoke to me. Words do hurt. And I am very careless with my words. I am making a huge effort now to really try to be nicer with my words. I now realize after this incident how terrible they can be when not used properly.

The woman in question has obvious issues, she's quite moody and you never know what you'll get when speaking to her. So I'm always cautious of her anyhow.

So, here is my pledge to be kinder and nicer with my words. Starting now. Go!

What about you? Have any moments when you realized how harsh you can be? Or how harsh others can be? Words are very powerful. maybe more powerful than a fist. I hope to remember that.